Friday, May 27, 2005

Chasing my ghosts

Last night I went to Crif Dogs on St. Mark's Place with Lady H. They have corn dogs and tater tots. I am glad its not too close to my apartment, especially since they have a variety of hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Near the entrance they have a Ms. Pac-Man machine which you can play for a quarter. I hadn't played a video game in a while and never considered myself to be very good at them. That night, however, I was amazing. I racked up unbelievable scores, beating the video record each consecutive time. People were not gathering around me cheering as the sweat dripped down my brow, but it was a mini-victory for me. Part of the game for those who don't recall is eating a magic pellet and then chasing ghosts head-on instead of running away. This is mostly how I racked up the score. It may sound trite (it may sound trite to say it's trite), but I need to find a way to chase my own "ghosts" offscreen. Maybe I am stronger now and don't even know it. I need to stop being afraid.

It's Memorial Day. People are headed to fire island. It's Fleet Week. It's a three day weekend. It's a time when I could easily vanish into the city fleeing my ghosts and becoming one myself...avoiding my future, avoiding decision. Instead, I'd like to use it as an opportunity to become more grounded and face my problems. It will start with a run, a little more literal, then I plan to write a graduate school application. I am not sure who will end up biting whom, but It will be interesting to see where I end up "early next week" much like the other crazy 8. Wherever it is though, I will check back to write a post.

Have a great holiday weekend.


Blogger Ms. NOLA said...

You will find yourself in a lovely place -- exactly where you are meant to be. But it does take longer than one imagines. So screw up your courage, brace yourself and throw yourself out into the world of the living.

Nostalgia is no place to hang your hat. It's much better out here. Don't forget you have your friends, good music and food and this wonderful city to support you as you go along your journey. No matter where it leads you.

Speaking of leads, I have one for you when I see you next. xo

Mon May 30, 05:58:00 PM  

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