Friday, March 16, 2007


I'm doing better. Turns out there's something (or somethings depending on who you talk to) going around the entire building so I'm not the only one with the mystery cold. Sounds like a bad board game. Mystery Cold. Ick. I guess it's no better than Operation. Really, who thought of that?

I knitted for a long time this evening. I'm just not in the mood to curl up with a book. Somewhat alarming, no? But I'm trying to just do what I want to do. Coming out of a cold, it seems right to listen to one's body. One would say this means to sleep when one needs it. Drink a lot of fluids. I say it means to knit in the face of a stack of books. I just don't want to jump back into things immediately, okay? It's something to say, "I'm settled, alright?" I don't need to find a new challenge just yet. I can try to just sit still for a while. And I don't always have to finish every book I start. Sometimes, it just isn't worth it.

Today I watched redtail hawks swoop around Manhattan from the windows at work. It was something to see their wingspan, their freedom. Not everyone paid attention or cared. But those of us who did stopped and paused. We let our eyes wander. We watched the hawks pay no attention to traffic, hideous condos, city buses, scaffolding or the Time Warner Center. The hawks were in no rush to take off for Central Park. Instead, they gave us an opportunity to see ourselves in them: ripe with directions and no timetable. Just for a minute.

We went back to work. Phone calls, tinkering with programs, writing things up, mailing packages. It was hard to leave work tonight. I lost track of time and I ended up leaving sometime after 7. Probably not the best idea on my first day back. I took the train home and looked out at the city as I crossed from Manhattan into Brooklyn. We work so hard to stay afloat in this city. Finding a job, finding an apartment, finding a relationship, making it work, even just making time to see your friends feels like an Olympic effort. It seems like a crime to just relax, but you need to relax. I have what I need. What I want will come. And really, a lot of it is already here. I don't always take the time to enjoy it.


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