Tuesday, July 18, 2006

go on, go on and scream and cry, you're miles from where anyone will find you

Back in town. Too much heat, too many books. I need to settle on a new knitting project since I just finished my last project. I keep drinking iced green tea at work and dreaming of reading endlessly, taking planes, imagining writing letters again.

I have thank you letters to write. I have care packages to mail to friends and family. I have too many emails to return. I miss New Hampshire and the cool comfort of water on my skin. The joy of learning new things --- how it feels to sail a boat. To follow and catch the wind as it fills the sails, the pressure you work with as you steer it along to your destination, a point on the horizon.

Right now, New York is a collection of creative, exuberant, generous, unself-conscious friends. I hope it stays this way for a good while.

It's the summer of Neko Case. The summer of reconfiguring the world. Living through another hurricane season. Another suicide. The summer I've come to accept that we're leaving New Orleans. I floated in Lake Nubanusit this weekend and it felt good to let the water hold me. To be carried by something other than my will to forge through all the bullshit in the face of disappointment, incessant shock, and subsequent revisionist history.

I came home to find emails from ex-boyfriends. Am I really that old? Am I really this young? I make my way through the world with some impossible internal harmony that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other in the face of categories I can't even fix.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Marco said...

There's times when you have to go through life like a "one-eyed pig in the ditch" (Marie Louise Von Franz)

Tue Jul 18, 07:49:00 PM  
Anonymous rachel said...

I'm impressed that you can knit in this heat :) Even the aida cloth of my cross-stitching projects feels oppressive on my knees, and as I keep reminding myself, it's really not so bad out here.

Wed Jul 19, 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger Ms. NOLA said...

Well, when you work in an office that must be 50 degrees, knitting at lunch is no problem at all! That said, I think I may bring mine home w/ me tonight to knit while watching "Project Runway."

Wed Jul 19, 05:08:00 PM  

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